For the Last Time!

Ok, I am now going to get on a soapbox for a minute or two. I don't normally do it, because well to be honest, I just let things ride. I let things roll off of my shoulders and onto the ground where I step on it a  lot, and then forget about it completely. But I do have to say something when I get blamed for something I had absolutely no control over - period.

So, the story. I am a decently active in a number of online support groups (and I will admit I have not been to them in a while...the holidays, you know?) for moms and dads with cleft babies. Not just unilateral clefts like Kaylee's, the groups kind of encompass the whole of the types of clefts that are seen. So, while I may not know what some moms go through in terms of a bilateral cleft lip and palate (where the cleft affects both sides of the lip and roof of the mouth) I am able to help a little in just knowing what it is like to have to answer the same questions over and over again (what happened? why? did you take xyz while pregnant? etc, etc.). So, when someone asks the aforementioned questions I am well prepared with my answer and am able to deliver my answer with confidence. *ahem*

"Clefts are formed within the first six to seven weeks of gestation and can be caused by many factors, and the fact is they don't know all of the factors. It has been suggested that clefts can be inherited genetically, that they can be caused by environmental factors, and /or that clefts are formed because of a medication that is being taken. In our case it appears to be genetic as there may be multiple family members on both my side and my husband's side who are cleft affected in one way or another. In no instance is it something that a mother "did" to purposely cause it. That is ignorant and rude to even suggest."

That is what I say. That is how I present it. I don't think it is rude, or condescending. If it is, hell, someone tell me so I can find a way to reword it. Anyway, today I got an email from a woman who has been reading this blog (and many other blogs, from what I gathered) and it says:

"While I enjoy reading your blog, it seems you are purposefully trying to impart incorrect and misleading information on your blog. Firstly, about how it can be genetic. From what I have researched there has been absolutely no studies to support that theory. 

Secondly, drugs cause these kinds of deformities and when babies are born with this type of deformity it is well known that the mother has had to have been doing drugs. I am talking about illegal drugs. Only mothers who abuse their bodies in such a horrid fashion have babies with this kind of deformity. You can lie all you want to, but you and all the other mothers on this blog and on the support groups will be found out in the end.


Thirdly, the way you talk about your daughter on your blog makes it sound like you were just an innocent woman having a baby and ooops! the baby just happened to be deformed. You KNOW why that baby is deformed and you (and those other idiot drug addicts) are not innocent women. You purposely tried to hurt your children, so you could get all the attention in the world. You did your babies no favors and now they are the one's who must pay for your drug abuse.


Please, just give your baby to someone who deserves to have it. Someone who hasn't done anything wrong. It will be better for you and your child in the end. Please, for the love of these beautiful babies - let them go.  These children will be in my thoughts. Always, Sarah."

So...there you have it. Apparently, myself and the thousands of other mothers who have cleft affected babies are drug addicts. I have already blocked her from viewing this blog and  I have already reported her email address to the admins of all of the support groups including babycenter, cafemom, and whattoexpect. So, hopefully we won't see her in any of those groups. I don't know if I am the only who got an email from her or not, but I will be damned if I let this go.

So, for the sake of other random people who are of the same mindset - please educate yourself by viewing any one of the links on the right hand side of this blog. These links will provide you with up to date accurate information from verifiable sources both in print and on the interwebs. Please don't be an ignorant human being. Read, and learn and then have an intelligent conversation with me.

People, that email infuriated me to the point of tears. Because I am an innocent woman. My baby doesn't deserve what she was born with. She never should have to go through this. But I will tell you one thing - I love her no matter what. I loved her when she was just a second line on a pregnancy test. I loved her just the way she was. And I love her just the way she is now. I love everything about my monster. That is all that any of it comes down to.

Also, just to add....I don't know this Sarah woman. I have never met anyone who thought like she does. But I will say that I do not have to justify anything to her or to anyone else. I have nothing to prove or hide. Period.

Happy Tuesday ladies and gentlemen. Happy Tuesday.