When I think about the fact that my daughter is going to have surgery soon, I think about all the harder things: feeding with stitches, the no-no's, Kaylee's discomfort, worry about anesthesia etc, etc. Today, I had to say it, I am going to be thankful when this surgery is over, so we can finally get rid of the NAM, and the tape. I am going to be so relieved.
It all started where things normally start for me: Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart, with a passion. It seems like every single time I go to that damned store I get harassed, or embarrassed in some way. One time, I was waiting in line, and my pants decided they no longer wanted to stay on, the whole of the front end of Wal-Mart saw my flowery undies. Once, I was expressly told that I was an illegal immigrant who couldn't read. Those things didn't really bother me. I mean, I was embarrassed that my pants fell down, and I have certainly been called worse things by better people, but it was a child (no more than 10 years old) today, that actually made me sad.
I took my darling girl grocery shopping with me, I like to get her out of the house and I just like taking her with me. While in the check out line, I was emptying my groceries onto the moving belt, minding my own and popping in to make Kaylee smile when a mother with her four children got in line behind me. I could tell they were all related because they all had the same sandy hair, freckles and bright green/blue eyes. As I finished loading my bagged groceries into my cart and moved to pay, I noticed the boy looking in at Kaylee. I didn't mind she likes it when people peek in on her, she is friendly like that.
The following words were passed between this little boy, and his older brother, and his mother:
"Hey, this girl has something on her face." he said, rather loudly.
"Shhh, you're being loud." replied the brother.
"But look how ugly that is. What is wrong with this kid's face? Ewww, [enter evil child chuckle here]." He looked at me directly, knowing that I had heard him.
"Seriously, shut up. You are embarrassing us." his brother scolded, with a look of apology on his face.
"Yeah, but look how gross it is, it's in her nose!" the boy said.
"Mom, tell him to stop." the older boy told his mom.
"What? I didn't hear anything." said the mother while absentmindedly thumbing through a magazine.
"I wonder what is wrong with her..." the young boy thought out loud.
"NOTHING is WRONG with her. She's just fine thank you very much." I said in response.
"Excuse me, you don't talk to my child like that." The mother scolded.
"If you taught your child to shut his mouth, I wouldn't have to talk to him like that. Teach your kid some manners." I walked off, head high yet heart heavy.
How could someone not teach this little boy some semblance of manners? His mom was right there. I remember when I was a child, if me or my sisters or my brother said anything like that we would get a pinch so hard in the arm or leg that it would shut us up. Our parents taught us how to behave in public. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. We were taught that.
I guess it just made me think of how grateful I will be when my daughter will be able to sit in her car seat at the store and someone can just pop their head in and say "Ahhh, what a cutie." That will be the first thing they say. I guess one could call it superficial, they could call it vain, but I just want people to look at the beautiful tiny human I was blessed with and not have to see all the tape, the nasal stent wire, and the duoderm on her cheeks. I want for people to see who she really is, not what she looks like.
I'm sorry, I know my posts have been a little depressing as of late. I am really emotional about this, more-so now that surgery is in two days. I just wish some people would teach others about kindness, and manners, instead of letting snooty nosed brats open their mouths and make fun of a defenseless baby while her mother is in ear shot.
Sorry, I guess I just got upset today. Anyway, that is all for now. I will talk to you all later, you will get a picture posting on Monday night, before bed - pictures of the Kaylee girl's last wide smiles. Thank you, whoever you are, for reading through this entire thing.
JESS
It all started where things normally start for me: Wal-Mart. I hate Wal-Mart, with a passion. It seems like every single time I go to that damned store I get harassed, or embarrassed in some way. One time, I was waiting in line, and my pants decided they no longer wanted to stay on, the whole of the front end of Wal-Mart saw my flowery undies. Once, I was expressly told that I was an illegal immigrant who couldn't read. Those things didn't really bother me. I mean, I was embarrassed that my pants fell down, and I have certainly been called worse things by better people, but it was a child (no more than 10 years old) today, that actually made me sad.
I took my darling girl grocery shopping with me, I like to get her out of the house and I just like taking her with me. While in the check out line, I was emptying my groceries onto the moving belt, minding my own and popping in to make Kaylee smile when a mother with her four children got in line behind me. I could tell they were all related because they all had the same sandy hair, freckles and bright green/blue eyes. As I finished loading my bagged groceries into my cart and moved to pay, I noticed the boy looking in at Kaylee. I didn't mind she likes it when people peek in on her, she is friendly like that.
The following words were passed between this little boy, and his older brother, and his mother:
"Hey, this girl has something on her face." he said, rather loudly.
"Shhh, you're being loud." replied the brother.
"But look how ugly that is. What is wrong with this kid's face? Ewww, [enter evil child chuckle here]." He looked at me directly, knowing that I had heard him.
"Seriously, shut up. You are embarrassing us." his brother scolded, with a look of apology on his face.
"Yeah, but look how gross it is, it's in her nose!" the boy said.
"Mom, tell him to stop." the older boy told his mom.
"What? I didn't hear anything." said the mother while absentmindedly thumbing through a magazine.
"I wonder what is wrong with her..." the young boy thought out loud.
"NOTHING is WRONG with her. She's just fine thank you very much." I said in response.
"Excuse me, you don't talk to my child like that." The mother scolded.
"If you taught your child to shut his mouth, I wouldn't have to talk to him like that. Teach your kid some manners." I walked off, head high yet heart heavy.
How could someone not teach this little boy some semblance of manners? His mom was right there. I remember when I was a child, if me or my sisters or my brother said anything like that we would get a pinch so hard in the arm or leg that it would shut us up. Our parents taught us how to behave in public. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. We were taught that.
I guess it just made me think of how grateful I will be when my daughter will be able to sit in her car seat at the store and someone can just pop their head in and say "Ahhh, what a cutie." That will be the first thing they say. I guess one could call it superficial, they could call it vain, but I just want people to look at the beautiful tiny human I was blessed with and not have to see all the tape, the nasal stent wire, and the duoderm on her cheeks. I want for people to see who she really is, not what she looks like.
I'm sorry, I know my posts have been a little depressing as of late. I am really emotional about this, more-so now that surgery is in two days. I just wish some people would teach others about kindness, and manners, instead of letting snooty nosed brats open their mouths and make fun of a defenseless baby while her mother is in ear shot.
Sorry, I guess I just got upset today. Anyway, that is all for now. I will talk to you all later, you will get a picture posting on Monday night, before bed - pictures of the Kaylee girl's last wide smiles. Thank you, whoever you are, for reading through this entire thing.
JESS
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| This is how excited she gets when she sees Ronan the Destroyer. They love each other so much! |
Oh, Jessie. I am so sorry that cruelty exists and was directed at Kaylee. You know, the boy WAS rude and ignorant but children tend to be honest, at least. What is inexcusable is the mother not correcting her child. What a lost opportunity to educate him as to why Kaylee "looks" like she does. Obviously, the boy was cruel but his cruelty reflected more on his Mother than on his own ignorance.
ReplyDeleteI understand your delight in having these types of experiences behind you but just so you know... she is so beautiful NOW and the surgery won't really change that. This picture is fantastic. Gotta love that ear-splitting grin and obvious delight at her seeing her bestest friend (who also doesn't give a rip about some tape on her face).
Best of vibes for Tuesday!
Patty
PS: Ummm, yea, having your pants fall down in Wally World is a bit humiliating. Oh, well. Shit happens... and usually at that store.
Good for you mama...those mommy claws are crazy long--mean children should watch out! ;) Yes, our babies will have to endure many things, but the parenting part is equally hard to handle. We love them with every ounce of our being, and yet sometimes just won't be able to take the hurt away. Remember that children do learn from their parents, so your sweet Kaylee will be exactly that. The people who matter already see her and love her for who she is, that's what matters! Hang in there...will be praying for you this week!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from a CM post. One of my friends has an older child with a cleft lip, so I was pretty interested in reading what someone else's life while living with this was like.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I started reading your blog this morning. My 4 year old son sat down next to me and saw a picture of your daughter, then said 'mommy, that's such a cute baby! I want to give her a big hug and make her smile'. Just wanted to share the words of honesty from one child, and hopefully brighten an otherwise very sad blog entry.
(This mommy things you have a rather beautiful daughter also)